Friday, October 11, 2013

A lot of people say that going through a life threatening or near death experience can change a person for the better.  It can turn a high-strung person into a more laid-back person.  Angry people into nicer people.  Cockiness fades, it humbles a person and brings them back down to earth.  

Or that an experience like that will teach that person an important life lesson.  To focus more on family.  To settle down.  Or give back somehow to society.

God knows that I was less than perfect before I got sick.  Far from it.  I had a chip on my shoulder when it came to certain things and extremely sensitive when it came to other things.  When this came up with one of my friends a couple of months after my diagnosis, she said to me, "You probably see things a lot differently now.  You'll stop getting so upset all the time."

Ok, well fast forward a year and a half.  Actually, fast forward to even just a month afterwards.  Guess what?  I still have that chip on my shoulder and I'm still sensitive when it comes to those certain topics.  If anything, it's even worse than before.

So what does that mean?  That I haven't learnt my life lesson yet?  If so, I guess that means a recurrence is in my future... and if I still don't change by then, does that mean I'll die as punishment?  Or if I survive that time around, and I still don't change, will the cancer keep coming back until I do?

That's bullshit.


I've heard some people talk about another girl they know who got cancer.  She, also less than perfect, got it because karma is a bitch, according to them.  If that is so, what is it that I did so wrong that gave me cancer?  Was it because I angered my conservative parents by not being home by midnight on a night out at the bar with my friends?  Was it because I didn't get along with my brothers growing up?  Or was it the crazy fights with old boyfriends?  Perhaps it was the bad choices in old boyfriends.  Or maybe it was because of the chip on my shoulder... did it come full circle?  

Well, to answer my own questions, I'm going to say, "No."  That's bullshit.  To say someone got cancer because of karma... I think that it's extremely offensive.  I don't believe that ANYBODY is perfect, we've all made mistakes, some more than others, and some worse than others.  If this were true, wouldn't the entire population of deceased people in the world have had cancer at one point in their lives?  


Sure, having cancer has taught me lessons and has changed the way I do and see some things, but if I haven't changed in the way you would have liked to see, that's your problem.  Not mine.  

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