Thursday, May 31, 2012

It Ain't All Sunshine and Rainbows

I feel ugly.  My hair is ugly.  My skin is ugly.  My body is ugly.

Everything is changing and I hate it.  My hair has changed.  My skin has changed.  My body has changed.  My face has changed.

I hate that I have no one to talk to who will understand what I'm going through.

I hate the awkwardness it creates whenever I talk about it.

I hate when people smile and try to be cheerleaders when I express the frustration I feel.

I hate going to appointments alone.

I hate trying person after person for a ride when I'm done.

I hate that I constantly have to ask for help.

I hate that it feels like more than half the people who offered help when they found out about me only did so for show.

I hate that some of my friends have disappeared off the face of the earth since I got sick.

It's the ugly side of the cancer experience.  Fucking cancer.