"By the way, did you hear...?"

On December 30^th, 2011, I had announced to my entire Facebook world how much I was looking forward to my 31^st year of existence.  Thirty was such a great year and I couldn’t wait to see what thirty-one would bring into my life.  Little did I know was that I would start my 31^st year with what possibly could be the greatest challenge of my life.

I am 31 years old, and I have breast cancer.

I am an extremely emotional person.  I am most definitely one who needs to talk things out, and my writings over the course of this journey shall serve as my emotional outlet.  Sure, there are many people I can turn to… and yes, I know that I would not be considered a bother or burden if I were to call my boyfriend or any one of my most loving and caring friends or family members for a shoulder to cry on.  However, this is what I feel the most comfortable with at this time, and therefore will be my go-to for emotional therapy. 

I apologize to any friends or relatives who feel offended for finding out this way, through the internet.  I am asking for forgiveness and understanding.  It’s hard.  My diagnosis is not a secret, I am actually quite open about it when it comes up.  I just don’t always know how to approach it.  I don’t even know who knows!  What I want is for everyone to know.  Not for attention, and certainly not for pity.  But because I don’t want my cancer to be something that people need to tip toe around me about.  To make it taboo makes me feel like there is something to be afraid of.  And I want to stop being afraid.

So when you see me, please don’t pretend that you don’t know.  Don’t be scared to ask me how I am.  It’s ok if you don’t know what to say, but please try not to pull away.  And please, please do not treat me any differently.  I am still me, still Vanessa.  Maybe a little more emotional (ok, much more emotional) and definitely more scatterbrained (it takes a toll sometimes, so much to think about, too much to do), but I’m still me.  

Here I will take you along with me on my emotional journey, my progress and eventually through my recovery.  In the meantime, I am off to meet with my counselor.  Thanks for reading, and thank you to all in advance for your support.  ♥